Living Intensely

Nanny and Grandpa with 3 of the grandkids, circa 2000.

Life’s been pretty intense as of late.

I just turned 28, and here are a few things that have happened in my own chunk of life since my 27th birthday:

-celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary with Caroline (and our two beautiful kids)

-upgraded positionally in my job

-deployed

-promoted administratively in my job

-COVID-19

-deployed (again)

-found out I’m slotted for a solid assignment after my current one 

-lost my Grandmother.

Due to life circumstances, I can’t be with my family during this time aside from prayers and phone calls. Before she went to the hospital, I was able to call my Grandmother and tell her that Caroline, the kids and I love and miss her and hope to see her soon. 

I’ll cherish that phone call for the rest of my earthly life, and I can’t wait to see our beloved, spit-fire, sneak-you-a-$20-bill-even-though-you’re-in-your-twenties matriarch we all call “Nanny” one day. It’ll be better than any of the porch sitting, sleepovers, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, summer pool days, thousands of those red rot-your-teeth sugar “juicy” drinks, Yankee games on a Sunday, sledding in the backyard, Little Debbie snacks hidden under the stove, laughs, tears, joys, and a million other experiences that helped forge members of our family into who we are today. 

Nanny wasn’t always sugary-sweet (I did mention “spit-fire,” after all), but behind those green eyes was a woman who really, truly cared. She loved us intensely right alongside her husband of more than 60 years. And, frankly, we have always known it. 

The ache is real, and it will be for a while. My chaplain friend notes that we’re just pilgrims in this life, and this gives me solace. The destination isn’t here, folks. It’s way better.

I’ll admit that I’m proud of the accomplishments of the last year. I’m grateful for the opportunities. I’m grateful for a tremendously supportive wife, family, and ever expanding circle of friends. I’m also keenly aware that my successes involve a tremendous amount of sacrifice from the people in my life. 

I’ve finally learned that complaining doesn’t get you to success. Virtue, decision, action, reflection - those things do. An even harder lesson to learn is that failure is absolutely necessary. If I’m cushioning myself to never fail, then I’m limiting my potential for growth. It’s pretty painful, but humbling ourselves and swallowing our pride can yield incredible results, even when we don’t get the feedback and praise we crave. We’ve got to be intentional and intense with our pursuits to better the enterprises we represent. There’s no other way.

It seems that humanity has always lived intensely. Millenia ago, it was to avoid getting eaten by predators and survive with the tribe. In the more recent past, it was figuring out how to grow, prepare and store food. Sometimes I think about the “simplicity” of life when Jesus walked the earth, but frankly, that just isn’t so. His disciples were also trying to get by. They had the same loves, fears, and everything else that humanity has literally always experienced. Then they clung to Jesus, literally. So can we, and it’s the only thing that gets me through when I’m away from the comforts of my warm hearth and home, with my beloved bride and our children. Without it, I’m lost, and relying on myself alone is a recipe for disaster.

So many of us experience the lifelong struggle in our own ways, and it changes over time in each season of life. I can’t even express how much it meant to me to read a few birthday cards, share some cupcakes, golf a round, smoke a few cigars, and get rudely interrupted from my bedtime routine for a late night “meeting” only to have a dozen of my compatriots sing me “Happy Birthday” and hand me a beer. Sometimes these simple gifts are enough to calm the unrest inside, even if just for an hour.

We must do these things for each other. Unplug from the lies, and pursue the Good that’s always there; it’s always available. It’s never easy, but it’s the only thing worth doing. So pursue it with intensity.

Nanny, this one’s for you.

-MJVW

Nanny and Grandpa at a Christmas party, circa 1960.